Jowls

I have impending news that I cannot put bad juju on it so. More on that soon.

I've been doing handmade things for a meme I put up on a couple profiles and I only got one taker on my own but I am still making one for the person I hit up about it. So far I have a colorful little man headed for wrapping paper and cardstock and some pompoms. I don't know what I'm doing yet but I have the world's saddest little multicolored pompoms in history. 

I'm finally on season 4 of Buffy and I am going to have to "pace myself." I don't want this series to ever be ~over~. 

Last little thought nugget: It's refreshing to know that I can change, regardless of what others see me as or expect of me. It's frustrating to not be the same person I was five years ago and still be expected to be or told that I am because of someone else's idea or view. I can categorically say, no one else is here so  I can verify that no one making these judgments knows the first thing about what they're saying.

And... shut it down. xo me

I remember there used to be a time when I tried to post daily to this website. Blah blah blah. In any case, I think keeping a diary so I can see my progress as a human is pretty key and I am back to actually wanting to post these words in a public forum. In truth, what makes posting here particularly appealing to me is that very few if any people at all will be reading this. Or maybe commenting is what I mean. I would love oodles of comments and readers but also I like the idea of posting my thoughts publicly and openly but not necessarily having it become some kind of circus.

In other news, Nikki. You need to come down here and I need to get my hands on some nasty Manic Panic. This is killing me.

I'll have more to say tomorrow maybe. Maybe I'll show you my new Lisa Frank "travel journal" and my old black Moleskine one.

I just want you to know that I keep this around to read your posts (those of you active on here) but if you are dying to speak with me, know that I am most active on AIM, tumblr and twitter (depending on which strikes my fanc-E on any given day/moment) Holler at me if you have any of these profiles and don't know mine.

 I am way more active on tumblr than here but why not cross post, eh? I am making a whole thing of doing a year end music thing. I might include television shows because the boob tube really brought it this year. I will be making several top ten lists and making a mix. Keep an eye out for that if you like that sort of thing.

in an effort to keep me alive in new york, i am currently hand making some paper cases for mix cds to accompany various surprise goodie packages i would like for you to buy from me! i have two really good ones and i won't lie... i like... wanna keep them. spread das werd if you love me or care about me or want me to LIVE.

ps i love you already even if you only read this and maybe laugh at me.

sometimes i really hate being drawn to this side of the spectrum. it's so much easier to lie and be lied to. most of the time i feel like what i do is just not good enough and it's not up to anyone to blow smoke up my ass about it either. good or bad it's what i'm going to do because i have to. i just hate that this is what i do. i hate that there are people that can make more sense out of what is happening in their head and put it on a paper, canvas etc and make a lot of money on it and think that makes them worth more. money and social status are not marks of real worth and i cannot believe that anyone could think that i would use that as a means to take ANYONE seriously? or feel bad because i don't have what someone else has? i have what no one else has and that's actually enough for me and i'm more than sorry that that is not enough for everyone else. i'm sorry you don't appreciate yourself enough.

 

i am the most critical of my own art before you even get to it so don't think for a second you are saying anything i haven't heard. i don't fucking hate myself enough to waste people's time though. constructive criticism is one thing but anything past that is just pathetic. i legitimately am not hurt by mean things so much as i am hurt by the fact that a person is in such a bad way that they have to be so awful. i mean, it hurts my soul when people are that down on themselves.

hopefully this is the last of my super negativity. i am over it and i don't want to annoy further what meager amount of true friends i do have that i get the opportunity to talk to on a regular basis.

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